- Directed by Rhys Frake-Waterfield
- Written by Rhys Frake-Waterfield, A. A. Milne
- Stars Nikolai Leon, Maria Taylor, Craig David Dowsett
- Run Time: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes
- Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3E74j_xFtg
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This is what happens when copyrights expire into the public domain. The monster effects were stiff, but the gore was realistically gory and well done. Despite our expectations, this was surprisingly entertaining.
Synopsis
We get an animated introduction of how Christopher Robin ran into a bunch of half-breed abominations in the woods. He befriended them all and brought them food. They all became great friends, but eventually, Christopher grew up and left to attend college and become a doctor. The mutant animals were left alone to fend for themselves; they nearly starved. They ate Eeyore out of desperation. They learned to hate all things human, especially Christopher Robin. They renounced their humanity, swearing never to talk again and to revert to their animal roots.
We cut to the modern day. Christopher Robin is showing the Hundred-Acre wood to his fiancé Mary. She doesn’t believe his old stories, he must have been a lonely child who imagined Pooh and his friends. She’s only come along to support him. They walk for hours looking for these creatures.
They reach the place, but it’s changed. She’s terrified, but he swears they aren’t in any danger. They go into the creepy old playhouse and find a defaced photo of Christopher. They hide as something large walks into the room. They stay under the bed and wait for the thing to fall asleep before sneaking outside.
Suddenly, a man-sized pig-monster grabs Mary and kills her as Christopher screams, “Piglet, No!” Piglet and Pooh close in on either side of Christopher as he apologizes for leaving them alone. They cook and eat Mary while dragging off Christopher Robin as their prisoner. Credits roll as we get reports of mutilated bodies and monsters in the woods. There are blurry photos in the newspaper as they call Pooh the “Bigfoot of Hundred Acre Woods.”
We cut to Maria, who’s talking to her therapist. She’s still traumatized by memories of a stalker. The therapist says getting away from the city would be a great help for her.
On her way to her “retreat,” she stops at a creepy old gas station. She and her four friends all arrive at their rental house and put their phones in a box so they can get away from all the tech. Tina tries to call them from the road, as she got lost. She’s chased through the woods by Pooh, who eventually catches and runs her through a woodchipper.
Maria shares her stalker experience with the others. We get a flashback about someone watching her. One night, the stalker even came into her bedroom while she slept. The police eventually caught the guy, but she’s still got some PTSD issues.
We cut to Christopher Robin crying and explaining to Pooh why he left. He’s chained up next to Mary’s stripped-clean bones. Pooh has a flashback to his happy childhood with Christopher promising they’d be “together forever.” Pooh whips him with Eeyore’s tail.
As Pooh carries Mary’s body out to the woods, he hears music from the girl’s cabin. He brings Piglet along with him to help this time. Piglet just happens to have some chloroform, and they grab one of the girls and crush her head with a car.
The four remaining friends soon figure out that there’s a killer outside. Maria assumes it’s her previous stalker and flips out. Pooh finds his way inside, and we see that Maria has a gun. Piglet catches Zoe and Alice in the pool house with his sledgehammer.
Alice isn’t dead, and Maria and Jessica go after her. They find Christopher Robin hanging in the barn and release him.
They find another woman chained up who says that the creatures are named “Pooh” and “Piglet.” She says they can speak, and she wants revenge. She takes Maria’s gun and starts calling for Piglet. The gun only has one bullet, and she wastes it. The two animal men pour honey on her and chow down.
Alice, on the other hand, whacks Piglet with a shovel and chains him to a pole before going at him with the sledgehammer. Pooh comes in and kills her with a machete.
Maria and Jessica run into the road and flag down four men in a pickup truck. Pooh approaches. “What is that? It ain’t human, but ain’t no bear either.” We soon learn that Pooh can take a lot of punishment—also, Pooh has claws. Pooh commands the bees to swarm around the last man, stinging him to death.
The two girls drive off in the truck, but Pooh jumps on the back. There’s an accident, and Pooh tears Jessica in half, leaving only Maria.
Christopher Robin comes out of nowhere in his car and rams Pooh, sandwiching him between the two trucks. Pooh starts limping after them with a knife as the cars both explode.
Christopher pleads with Pooh about how things used to be, “The good is still in there. Take me instead. I’ll stay with you forever.” Pooh growls something and kills Maria.
Christopher Robin runs off into the woods, screaming, and Pooh goes to work on Maria’s corpse.
Commentary
Where did Pooh and Piglet get those Airstream campers? Where’s the electricity coming from?
“Eeyore, R.I.P.” Other than that, we don’t know anything about what became of the other occupants of the Hundred-Acre Wood.
The forest sets look very much like a stage. Pooh and Piglet are both actors in completely expressionless masks. They work around the limitation as best they can, but it’s still not convincing in the least. The bees are subtle, but you can see them a few scenes- it would have been nice to see more of that, but the budget clearly wouldn’t cover it.
It’s a ridiculous concept exploiting the fact that Pooh and company recently fell into the public domain. Still, it’s not as bad as it could have been. There’s also enough untouched material for an easy sequel.
It pains me to admit it, but I was entertained throughout.