The Return of Swamp Thing (1989) Review

Directed by; Jim Wynorski

Written by: Len Wein, Bernie Wrightson

Starring: Louis Jordan, Heather Locklear, Sarah Douglas

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Return of Swamp Thing (1989)
Return of Swamp Thing (1989)

A group of five federal agents are wading through the swamp looking for a still. They give up and head back to the truck, except for one guy who has to pee. Something grabs him and another man, the rest run, but they’re shot by a strange woman in a jeep. The final man is attacked by the monster, but is saved by Swamp Thing, who has a much better costume this time around.

Credits Roll.

Arcane is back, and looking much better than at the end of the previous film. He’s in his mansion, and goes down to the lab in the basement. He’s working with Dr. Zurrell and Dr. Rochelle on mutating people and messing with the genetic serum. He destroys the rejects in a disintegration chamber.

Arcane’s stepdaughter, Abby arrives, and even before she comes in, Arcane wants the doctor to get a blood sample from her. Abby and Dr. Zurrell do the catfight thing early on. Arcane is still trying to reverse the aging process.

Two kids at a local motel read porn magazines and watch MTV. There’s a knock at the door; it’s one of Arcane’s escaped monsters. Swamp Thing arrives just in time, and fights the beast until the thing hits a propane tank and blows up everything in the park. Swamp Thing gives the kids a “thumbs up” as he leaves the scene.

There’s a hunting montage as Arcane’s men search for Swamp Thing. Abby asks why her mother didn’t have a funeral. Arcane is evasive.

Swamp Thing rescues Abby from some hillbillies, and they have a talk. He recaps the first movie for her. He tells her to leave, but she needs to find out what happened to her mother. The soldiers come and grab her and blow up Swamp Thing again. In liquid form, Swamp Thing goes up inside Arcane’s house’s sewer.

Dr. Rochelle says that only the head of security or Dr. Zurrell have the right blood type to save Arcane. Zurrell overhears this and starts thinking about betraying him. Meanwhile, Arcane plays a creepy pipe organ as Swamp Thing regenerates in the bathtub upstairs.

Abby and Swamp Thing drive off in a stolen jeep; Swamp Thing is doing the driving. Abby and Alec have a weird hallucinogenic sex scene. We cut back to the two annoying kids, who now plan to get a photo of Swamp Thing but are instead captured by Arcane’s soldiers. Swamp Thing beats them all up with a baseball bat and lets the kids take his picture.

Dr. Zurrell sticks Dr. Rochelle with the formula. They capture Abby again and hook her up to the machine opposite Arcane. The energies start flying from her into him. Arcane feels better until he notices the warts; Zurrell has switched formulas and betrayed him. Swamp Thing comes in, but before Arcane can do anything the door breaks down, and the monster that used to be Dr. Rochelle attacks Swamp Thing. He ends up in the disintegrator, which sets off the lair’s self-destruct device (for no real reason). Arcane is trapped under a heavy door.

Swamp Thing carries Abby out of the exploding mansion and revives her outside. He warns her that there may be side effects. She grows a leaf out of her foot.

Commentary

This film is cheesy fun; there’s none of the “darkness” that infects all the recent DC movies. Although not quite a comedy, it takes itself very non-seriously, far less seriously than the first movie, even though this looks like it had a much larger budget. It’s barely a step better than “Toxic Avenger.”

The acting in this movie makes my head hurt; it very obviously in the direction, not even the writing. I haven’t seen Heather Locklear in anything in years; I remember her being a better actress. Apparently, I was younger then. All the acting here feels much more like a parody than the first movie. Swamp Thing seems way too happy and laughs way too much here.

Swamp Thing’s voice is completely different for no apparent reason. Nothing says it’s the 80s like the music on this film.