- Director: Jordan Downey
- Writers: Jordan Downey, Mike Will Downey
- Stars: Daniel Usaj, Joe Hartzler, Preston Altree
- 1 Hour, 39 Minutes
- Amazon Link: https://amzn.to/2N57JN5
Thankskilling 3 (2012) Review
Synopsis
We start out with the very sane topless pilgrim again, this time… In Space! Turkie flies up in a starfighter and shoots her in half with his lasers, yelling “Nice Tits, Bitch– in Space!”
Credits roll.
Legend has it that Thankskilling 2 was the worst movie ever made. Only one copy remains, and Turkie would stop at nothing to get it. As the credits roll, we see men in hazmat suits with flamethrowers burning every last copy of Thankskilling 2 out in the desert.
Turkie is celebrating his 504th birthday party as Mrs. Turkie comes in and so does his son Nibble. They watch a commercial for the new product the Pluckmaster 3000, that kills, skins, cooks, and carves turkeys in 30 seconds! After the commercial, there’s a news story about the complete eradication of all copies of Thankskilling 2. Turkie is not happy.
Turkie goes berserk and kills Mrs. Turkie. Nibble plans to be his assistant as they go in search of an existing copy of the movie.
Greg Garbage pukes up a copy of the film in the dumpster where he lives. The alien muppet Yomi finds it and meets Uncle Donny, a guy who dresses like Mozart and is the inventor of the Pluckmaster 3000. Turkie and Nibble fly into town on the Big Seagull Taxi, and Turkie steals Nibble’s soul, embedding it in the last DVD of Thankskilling 2.
Jefferson, another guy with Mozart’s wig, talks to his puppet mother when Uncle Donny and the Yomi puppet come in looking for a piece of her mind. Jefferson wants to stick her with the butter knife stuck on the end of his broomstick. Then a giant talking cockroach comes in and directs Yomi into the oven. The two of them are building a mostly-imaginary theme park called Thanksgivingland when Jefferson gets run through by his long-awaited, near-mythical long pike…
…And I claim defeat. This movie defies writing a coherent synopsis. More stuff happens with puppets, muppets, cartoons, videogames, songs, chainsaws, bad wigs, alien worms, wise turkeys, skeleton turkeys, Frankenturkey, and Turkey Hell. Lot of stuff definitely happens, but what, how, and why it happens is irrelevant; you just gotta experience this mess for yourself.
Commentary
This must be what happens when you audition actresses who saw the first movie in the series; you end up doing it all with puppets.
I can’t think of any other movie that had this level of good writing, such excellent production values, and still feel like they took 35 movie ides and tried to include all of them in one low-budget film.