Tales from the Crypt- Ritual (2002)

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Posted By: brian@brianschell.com August 11, 2022

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a horror movie that was made, then after the fact called a Tales From The Crypt Presents with an introduction by The Cryptkeeper tacked on. It’s totally lacking the humor that makes the Tales From The Crypt episodes and movies so much dark fun. This is a long, dull slog despite having a talented cast.

Synopsis

The Cryptkeeper has moved to Jamaica and gotten Deadlocks. He likes the scenery there.

Credits roll as we see a huge garden party. We meet Dr. Matthew Hope as he meets some of the other guests. The party has been set up by Paul Claybourne as his brother Wesley’s birthday party. We see that Wesley is in his room under some kind of voodoo spell.

That night, Dr. Peter Winsvold meets up with a woman who wants a DNA check on something. As soon as she leaves, his lab starts to boil– and so does he. His shoes literally melt. The woman who wanted the DNA check is also killed out in the woods.

Elsewhere, Dr. Alice Dodgson has a dying child patient, and she wants to use unapproved treatment. The head of the hospital denies her request, but she does it anyway. The patient dies, and her license is suspended for two years. She ends up taking a medical position overseas in Jamaica, where the job doesn’t require a license.

J.B. picks her up at the airport. She soon notices that lots of people carry a machete. She watches men working in the sugar cane fields. J.B.’s father is a voodoo priest. Alice goes to meet Paul Claybourne, who explains the job. Alice has been hired to care for Wesley. Wesley thinks that he’s a zombie. She sets up shop in the same lab that Dr. Winsvold melted in.

That night, Alice is kidnapped, tied down, and has spiders poured all over her body. She wakes up; just a dream. She goes to see Caro, who answers the door naked. Caro is a sculptor. The two of them go to see Wesley, who lives in an old crypt. He’s a jerk, but he really believes that he’s a zombie. J.B. explains that zombieism is just a sickness of the soul. Someone, somewhere is doing a voodoo ritual, and J.B. has a seizure while driving.

Alice talks to J.B.’s father about Wesley. He, too, has a seizure. That night at dinner, Alice talks to Dr. Hope, who knows all about Wesley. Wesley actually shows up to dinner, and he wants to sit next to Alice. Later, Paul and Wesley play some music for the crowd. Wesley lays on the charm, and Alice is into it. On the way home, some of the other party guests are killed.

J.B. warns Alice to just leave the place now. It’s only going to get worse. It does. There’s some talk about Paul selling the plantation. Alice literally trips over the body of one of the dead guests. She takes a blood sample from Wesley, and soon they’re having sex on the beach. Alice dreams about some bad things again.

The lab report on Wesley’s blood shows something strange. Alice also gets tested for the same virus. Dr. Hope calls Paul, and it’s clear that they are in cahoots on some kind of real-estate plot. We see that Dr. Hope is a veterinarian, and he’s been experimenting on cats, at least until the Superintendent stabs him.

Alice tells Wesley about Paul selling the estate, and he takes it badly. Paul says that Wesley is no longer fit to make decisions and that Paul now has power of attorney. Maid Violette explains the terms of Wesley’s will. Alice enlists J.B.’s father and Violette to help her out. Alice ends up getting a vision that tells her something about Wesley, Hope, and the lab full of cats. Alice now thinks she can create an antidote for Wesley’s virus.

Alice explains to Wesley that Dr. Hope created this zombie plague to infect Wesley and make him look like the village idiot. Wesley’s will gives everything to the locals, so he can’t simply be killed by Paul.

Alice tells Paul that she’s found a cure for Wesley’s illness. She knows it’s him behind it. The superintendent kidnaps Wesley.

Alice comes across a huge voodoo party where they appear to be turning Wesley into a full-blown zombie. Paul is there, and he doses Wesley himself. Then they put Wesley in a coffin and bury him. Alice gets the drop on Paul, but then the voodoo leader reveals herself to be – Caro! Turns out, she’s Paul and Wesley’s illegitimate sister. With Wesley –and Paul– out of the way, she would get it all.

Caro orders Alice to blow the zombie-dust into J.B.’s face, but she blows it on Caro instead. They dig up Wesley and give him the antidote powder.

Later, Alice and Wesley get married. Elsewhere, the Superintendent brings home his own wife, Zombie Caro.

Commentary

The Cryptkeeper never looked so “puppety” before – which was part of their making it a Tales From The Crypt after the fact. They didn’t use the usual high-tech animatronic Cryptkeeper. His bits were entirely unnecessary and highly cringeworthy from a modern perspective. This was based on the 1943 film, “I Walked With a Zombie.” They didn’t even bother with a closing Cryptkeeper scene.

This movie was not planned as a Tales from the Crypt film but ended up as one when the Cryptkeeper scenes were added for home video release. It’s pretty obvious, as there’s very little humor here.

Tim Curry’s just sort of in this and is completely wasted. The other cast is fine. The problem is if it weren’t my job to watch these films, I’d have turned this off at the one-hour mark. Too much stuff happens that doesn’t seem related to the plot. Interesting stuff seems to happen in Alice’s dreams; so much of the good stuff isn’t even real. It feels about a half-hour too long.

The one important thing I learned from this is that Jamaica is a very sweaty place.