- Directed by Burr Steers
- Written by Burr Steers, Jane Austen, Seth Grahame-Smith
- Stars Lily James, Sam Riley, Jack Huston, Bella Heathcote
- Run Time: 1 Hour, 48 Minutes
- Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjfmdvLu9c
Spoiler-free Judgment Zone
It’s well made, with great settings and costumes, good action and effects, and a strong cast. But it’s not very fun. The zombie aspect might have been more effective on its own. As it is, it’s a satire of the ultra-conservative romance style of Jane Austen we thought was kind of a drag.
Spoilery Synopsis
We open on a man running his horse across the countryside. We hear narration about people being slaughtered by hordes of the living dead during a whist party. The man gets off his horse and identifies himself as Colonel Darcy. They lock him in a box naked and examine him for bites. Then they let him into the main house.
Darcy comes into the party and says there’s a report that someone there has been bitten. No one looks like a brain-eating undead, so he sits to play cards. He releases a jar of flies, which can easily detect dead flesh. They all land on one man, and Darcy quickly kills him in the middle of the party. What about the man’s niece? Oh yeah, she’s got it too.
We get a brief history about the zombies as credits roll. We’re told there’s a huge wall and moat around London. There’s now only one bridge across the Royal Canal.
Mr. Bennett and his daughters are told about Mr. Bingley, a new neighbor who is throwing a ball. Lizzy, Jane, Lydia, and Mary have all had combat training, but they don’t have husbands. The girls put on corsets, frilly dresses, and knives. They all go to the party, hoping to meet eligible men. Mr. Bingley is rich and eligible. Darcy is there as well, and he’s scary– but rich.
Bingley immediately likes Jane, and Lizzy likes Darcy. Mrs. Featherstone, the woman from the zombie-party, approaches, and Darcy shoots her. A horde of zombies approaches, and all the Bennet women pull knives. After the massacre, Darcy admits that Lizzy is hot. They sure can fight, which pleases him. Two sisters spar violently later while discussing Darcy and pride.
Jane is invited to tea at the Bingleys, but she’s accosted on the way by a zombie. She wastes no time in dispatching the miscreant. She then encounters a mother and child pair of zombies…
Lizzy comes to Bingley’s house the next day, as Jane has gotten sick. Darcy releases his flies, which Lizzy grabs right out of the air– she’s very fast. We see that there’s a whole class thing where rich people learn Japanese martial arts and lesser people learn the Chinese methods. Lizzy brags about reading “The Art of War” in the original Chinese.
Jane starts feeling better, so all the Bennet sisters return home. Cousin Parson Collins comes to dinner; he’s Mr. Bennet’s heir, since his daughters cannot inherit. His patroness is Lady Catherin de Bourgh, the greatest swordswoman in all of Great Britain. He’s interested in Jane, but she’s awaiting a betrothal to Bingley, so he takes Lizzy as second choice. He’d rather the girls all take up cooking not fighting.
George Wickham comes to town with his regiment, and he may be stationed there all winter. Lizzy likes Wickham, but he’s clearly a rival of Darcy.
There’s yet another ball. Wickham, Collins, and Darcy are all interested in Lizzy; she’s everyone’s second choice, but she’ll have to do. Lizzy doesn’t like Darcy, but she likes Collins even less, so she agrees to dance with him. Suddenly– zombie attack! Darcy jumps in and saves the day, but Bingley is injured.
Darcy and Bingley return home, leaving the odious Collins with all the girls. He wants Lizzy to marry him, but only if she retires her violent ways. She refuses, which annoys her mother. Mr. Bennet is fine with this, but her mother is not.
Lizzy storms off into the woods alone and soon finds Wickam and four pallbearers out there. He takes her to the bridge and out into the In-Between, a sort of no-man’s land for zombies. They go to a church that is full of zombies; everyone there is a zombie. They’re not fully converted since none of them have eaten a brain.
When Lizzy returns home, Charlotte admits that now she’s betrothed to Collins, much to Lizzy’s relief. They all go to visit Lady Catherine, the great warrior. There’s a painting there of the Four Horsemen, and they look a lot like those pallbearers that Lizzy saw. Darcy is Lady Catherine’s nephew, and he’s there too. Lizzy and Wickham explain about the peaceful zombies and how they can be redeemed with a treaty. Catherine and Collins laugh at the idea; they’re like locusts. Darcy has Wickham removed.
Darcy proposes to Lizzy. He had a hand in breaking up Mr. Bingley and Jane, so she tries to beat him severely. They undress each other with knives, but she eventually throws him out. He later writes her a letter apologizing and explaining. He’s gone to the siege of London, which is going badly outside the Great Wall.
Wickham runs off with sister Lydia, and they go to the zombie church. Lady Catherine comes to threaten Lizzy over Darcy. Lizzy defeats Catherine’s giant coachman.
Lizzy and Jane head to the zombie church, but the soldiers have closed the bridge. They go anyway, right into the war zone. They come across Darcy in the field of combat. He says the zombie church was razed to the ground five days ago.
He lied. Darcy goes to the church the next morning on his own. He sees the four pallbearers outside. He finds a bunch of dead soldiers with their brains cut out. He finds Lydia chained up in the church’s dungeon, but he can’t release her. He finds Wickham, who refuses to do the honorable thing, even for money. They argue, and zombies attack. Darcy and Lydia get out, but Wickham attacks them outside.
Bingley, Jane, and Lydia cross the bridge. Darcy sees that Wickham has been a zombie all along; he simply suppressed his hunger. He says that he’s the antichrist and the four horsemen have come to join him. Except then Lizzy rides in and cuts his head off.
Bingley gives the order to blow up the bridge just as Darcy and Lizzy are riding across it.
Mr. Bingley comes to Lady Catherine and talks to Jane. Darcy has survived and is fine now, as is Lizzy. He proposes to her again, and this time, she accepts. Jane and Bigley and Lizzy and Darcy have a double wedding.
Commentary
This wasn’t so much a comedy as it was just a satire of those old melodramatic romance books from the 19th century. There were very few laughs.
It’s got all the silly, frilly, giggly, romantic nonsense from Jane Austen but also a lot of bloody zombie combat. The sets and costumes here are very elaborate, as are the makeup and gore effects.
The zombies here are sensible and can talk, but they can’t help but eat people’s brains. There’s also an intermediate stage that people are in before and after they eat brains.
I like the political angle with the half-turned zombies. That would be interesting to see more of, but too much of the film dwells on the Jane Austen side of things, which honestly just slows down the fun. It’s a well-made, witty movie, but it’s just not a lot of fun.