Constantine (2005)

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Posted By: brian@brianschell.com February 9, 2023

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is based on comics, but it’s not necessary to have read them to enjoy the movie. It moves fast, with a lot of characters and a lot going on. We don’t know exactly what’s going on or why, it’s a bit of a mystery that Constantine is trying to solve. There’s lots of angel and demon action and possession and magic, which gives it the horror element.

Synopsis

In Mexico, a guy finds an old Nazi flag with the tip of a spear wrapped up inside it. He’s immediately hit by a car out of nowhere, but that doesn’t even slow him down. Credits roll.

In Los Angeles, a woman finds her daughter crawling on her ceiling. Father Hennessy calls in John Constantine when he can’t handle the problem himself. Constantine then does a full exorcism on the girl using a mirror. It works well, but it’s all terribly dramatic. Afterward, he finds a drawing of the spear in the women’s room. Chas, his taxi driver friend, is obnoxious.

Angela Dodson goes to confession; she’s a cop who killed someone. Angela has a dream that she jumps off the roof of the hospital, through a glass ceiling, and into a pool.

Constantine has lung cancer. Of all the things he’s seen, that’s gonna kill him?

Angela is called in to examine Isabel’s dead body– the dream of jumping off the roof was real, but it was Angela’s twin sister who did it.

The Mexican with the spear crosses the border into the US, and dozens of cows die as he walks past them.

Constantine and Angela both go to the church at the same time. Angela wants to see Father Garret to do a funeral for Isabel – he’s against it because it was suicide, but Angela says it wasn’t. Constantine is actually there to see Gabriel and questions her about the strange demon he just encountered as well as about the cancer and why he’s destined for Hell.

Angela watches security footage of Isabel’s death, and she whispers, “Constantine” before jumping– but only once on the tape.

Meanwhile, Constantine is attacked by “Vermin Man,” a cloud of insects that says he should have minded his own business. The bugs are squished by a passing truck. Constantine goes to see Papa Midnight, but his sidekick Chas can’t get in.

Everyone in Midnight’s place has glowing eyes. Constantine and Midnight talk about demons and rules. Constantine wants to use “the chair.” Balthazar is there, and he doesn’t much care for John Constantine.

Angela comes to see Constantine. She knows he’s an occult specialist, and thinks he may be able to help prove that her sister’s death wasn’t a suicide. He’s not interested in helping, but then he sees something strange following her and goes along. He tells her about the contest between God and Satan over seeing who can get the most souls. She thinks that people are evil enough on their own.

Suddenly, the two of them are surrounded by flying demons, but Constantine makes them all explode. “I don’t think they were after me,” John says. They go to Angela’s place and John looks into the eyes of her cat. He’s transported to Hell, a burning wasteland and ruined cities and nastiness. He encounters Isabel there.

Father Hennessy goes to the city morgue and finds Isabel’s body there. He touches her body to get a “reading” from her, and it really freaks him out. Balthazar comes in and Hennessy dies under his power. Elsewhere, Constantine explains his powers and origin to Angela.

Angela gets called to examine Hennessy’s body, and Constantine goes along. Beeman calls John and tells some of what’s going on, but he’s killed by bugs before he can say it all.

Angela admits that she has seen the magical stuff like her sister did, and she wants to go see Hell too. John near drowns her in the bathtub (staring at a cat looked easier). The bathtub explodes, and she has already been there and seen it. She shows him evidence that Balthazar was the one who killed Beeman.

John confronts Balthazar, and they fight. John uses holy brass knuckles on the demon’s face. Balthazar spills the beans about the spear; “Whatever killed the son of God will begin the son of the devil.” Angela knows all about the Spear of Destiny. After they leave, Balthazar’s boss, we don’t see who that is, comes in and finishes him off. Something grabs Angela, and John can’t keep up.

John goes back to Midnight’s place and demands help. John sits in “The Chair,” which used to electrocute people at Sing-Sing. Midnight electrocutes John, which gives him a vision of the man with the spear. He, and an army of half-demons are about to take over the hospital where Isabel died.

Angela wakes up in the hospital pool where Isabel died. John, Midnight, and Chas head for the same place. Chas blesses the water in the cistern. John finds the whole room full of demons, so he sets off the sprinklers which drenches them in holy water to make their outer skin dissolve. That makes them more killable, which is done messily.

Down in the pool, something invisible drowns Angela again, sending her back to Hell, where she faces some demons. One gets inside her. John finds her body and does an exorcism to bring her back with Chas’s help. Chas gets beat up really badly and dies.

John gets angry and forces the boss to reveal with his force of will. It’s Gabriel who was pulling the strings. She admits that she’s been behind all of it; she’s jealous of humanity and downright insane. She attacks John, and John prays for help, which doesn’t come.

Gabriel works on Angela, using her to birth Satan’s son. Meanwhile, John does a blood ritual of his own, slitting his wrists.

…And then Satan shows up to collect him personally. He’s a sleazy man with tar on his feet. Satan is really eager to get John back home to play with. When John tells him about Gabriel and his son about to come into the world in the next room, he is not amused. Gabriel says she’ll smite him in the name of God, but her fist stops before she can strike. Satan snickers that it looks like someone doesn’t have her back any more. Satan sends his son back to Hell and blasts Gabriel.

Satan reluctantly admits he owes John a boon. John doesn’t ask to be saved, he wants Isabel to be released to heaven. Satan complies. Then John starts to ascend to heaven but Satan prevents him from going, plunging his hands into John’s chest to yank out the cancer. He can’t drag him to Hell, but he can condemn him to live again. It’s not exactly a reward – by putting him back in life, Satan thinks he’ll get another chance at John later.

Then they find Gabriel, wings burned away, who is now human. She wants to die and tries to goad John into killing her for revenge. But John won’t play that game – he’s got a clean slate again. He punches her instead, telling her that’s pain – get used to it.

Commentary

There’s a lot going on here. A lot of characters, a lot of backstory, and a lot of lore that isn’t explicitly explained. This comes from the comics, of course, but it’s not really necessary to be especially familiar with the characters.

If you’re into the angels and demons side of supernatural horror, this is a fun one. Satan is especially good here. Still, it’s all very rushed, moving from scene to scene really quickly. This would make an excellent miniseries.