Arena Wars (2024)

• Directed by Brandon Slagle
• Written by Brandon Slagle, Michael Mahal, Sonny Mahal
• Stars Michael Madsen, Eric Roberts, Robert LaSardo
• Run Time: 1 Hour, 36 Minutes
• Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp-GJ1V0jDs

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This wasn’t really horror, but a decent science fiction action flick with lots of gore and combat. And a satirical tone to it with plenty of dark humor. It’s got a very large cast that gets narrowed down as the mayhem flows along. We’d call it well made overall and entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s 2045 in the Big City. There’s some kind of arena fight going on; a man in armor with a pickaxe fights against a man in a prison outfit as two commentators talk about the bout. A woman in a mask, Cutie Pie, comes out and beheads the prisoner. 

TV execs talk about how to raise the ratings. “How do we win back the audience?” We cut to Luke Bender, in federal prison. He talks to the parole board about getting released. He’s not very cooperative and gets sent back in for more time. He gets a video call from Admiral Jordan, who asks how the hearing went.

Another prisoner, Artuo Perez, goes into the parole board, and he’s on death row. His only option is to participate in “Arena Wars,” the fighting show we saw earlier. 

We cut to the show, where there are ten new prisoners. The man there explains the situation and rules to them. “If you make it out alive, you get to go home.” They get no weapons. 

The show’s hosts, Samson and Moses, introduce the show and their regular killers. They look like wrestlers crossed with superheroes and combat suits. Calypso and Cutie Pie we’ve seen before. Each of the prisoners is injected with something. The prisoners joke about getting convicted of murder and the only way out is to murder some more. 

One nervous young prisoner gets cut up right away. A couple of guys wait in the back and their heads explode; that’s what the injections were about. Before long, Perez is the only fighter left alive. He beats the guy with the knives, but then another fighter comes out to stop him. Then he’s pulled into a hole in the wall by someone. 

The executives come to the conclusion that no one can root for these terrible criminals, they need a real hero to play the game. Luke Bender is pulled back into the meeting room; the show wants him. The head of the company Belladonna, wants Luke to audition by beating up his bodyguards, which he does easily. Belladonna knows that Luke is innocent; he’s read his classified file. Luke really has no choice. 

Luke gets another call from the Admiral, who knows all about his cover being blown. Luke gets on the truck to the arena and meets the other prisoners on his “team.” They are a classy bunch, and they all get checked into the facility. 

The doctor works on the established fighters, who are all on some kind of drug that isn’t working as well as it used to. He warns that if it wore off on-air that it might be a problem. 

Samson and Moses come on the show and tell everyone that they have something new, an innocent man. He was in prison because he had orders from his commanding officer. There’s lots of talking as we get to know everyone and then the show begins. 

As before, one guy gets torched. The birdman with the knives comes out next, but there are too many prisoners left alive, and they manage to overpower him. Luke has a knife, but he won’t kill the man, so another prisoner does it. 

“Meat Wagon” comes out next, and he’s big and tough, punching right through some prisoner’s chest. He and Khan work together to beat him. Luke starts talking about the team working together. The next contender is taken out by the prisoners pretty easily, and the crowd really roots for Luke. 

There’s a break in the show, and the producers invite the prisoners for a meeting up in the club. Belladonna talks to Luke, the new fan favorite. Luke wants to know if his fiance and her father are still alive, but Belladonna gives an evasive look. Belladonna offers Luke a vague “opportunity” to talk about if he survives; the network wants to make a spinoff series starring Jake. He can’t kill Jake, but shows that his fiance and her father the Admiral are both dead; that Admiral on the phone was a deep-fake. They knock out Luke.

The remaining prisoners try to support Luke, “We’re family.” We see that one of the fighters, Domino, isn’t taking her special mind-control drugs. 

The shows come back, and Moses has been ordered to keep the show going no matter what he sees. The battle starts, they lose one of the prisoners before defeating the next fighter. The next fighter is Mr. Smiles, a clown-themed killer. Billie beats him to death with his own mace without losing anyone else. 

Belladonna and the other execs watch from the control room as Domino joins them from downstairs. 

The armored-pickaxe guy from earlier attacks the four remaining prisoners. Cutie Pie sneaks in and whacks Jake in the back with her machete. Khan gives Luke some kind of drug that makes him better. The group works together to beat them both. Belladonna asks Domino how Khan snuck in that drug, and she shoots both his guards. Belladonna sends her down to the arena. 

Cutie Pie, impaled with her own machete, tells everyone that none of them really want to be there, and that even they are fighting against their will. 

Belladonna comes down to the arena and confronts the four convicts, using Boggs as a hostage. Billie cuts him in half with a chainsaw, and it’s quite bloody. Boggs presses a button and disables the explosives in their heads before showing them to the exit. 

The crowd cheers and Minty, Bille, Khan, and Luke leave the arena. 

As the end credits roll, we watch interviews between Moses and various characters we’ve seen earlier. 

Commentary

The concept is a new take on “The Running Man,” with the costumed fighters in an arena and an innocent man forced to fight for his freedom. This one has a surprisingly large amount of talking and drama for what amounts to an action movie, but it mostly works well. 

I kept expecting Perez (Robert LaSardo) to make a comeback later on, since we didn’t really see him die in the early scenes. He just sort of disappeared into a hole in the wall, which was an unsatisfying end to one of the few recognizable stars of the film. Michael Madsen, who got top billing, doesn’t get much screen time, but he plays one of the commentators and does well with the role. We both joked that Eric Roberts was literally phoning in his role, but at least that was explained in the story, and there was a good reason. 

The acting is decent, and the lighting, sound, and music are good. The sets seem appropriate, and the acting is decent for a movie of this type. The fight choreography looked good, and it all made sense. 

There aren’t really many surprises here, but we definitely enjoyed it.