- Directed by Luis Llosa
- Written by Hans Bauer, Jim Cash, Jack Epps.
- Stars Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Jon Voight, Eric Stoltz, Jonathan Hyde
- Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes
- Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkjWyIdIBJo
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
When a film crew seeking a lost tribe in the Amazon encounters a hunter obsessed with a gigantic snake, bad things happen. It’s entertaining but kind of a dumb movie– a fun kind of dumb. The CGI is obvious but forgivable, and the practical effects are good. We give it a thumbs up overall.
Synopsis
We’re told in scrolling text that anacondas are “badass” as credits roll.
A poacher desperately tries to radio for help, but something is attacking his boat. He shoots at the thing below him. Out of fear, he shoots himself in the head.
Terri Flores answers the door in the Amazon jungle of Brazil; Dr. Steven Cale has returned to talk about his grant. He’s gotten the money to find a remote tribe in the jungle, and Terri’s the best director he knows for the expedition.
We cut to Terri and cameraman Danny boarding the chartered boat with Steven. Mateo runs the boat, and he’s sleazy-looking. Warren Westridge arrives, and he’s the pompous host of the documentary. Production Assistant Denise is there, as is Owen Wilson, playing the same character as always, but this time he’s named Gary.
The boat departs, and the rainstorms soon start. They soon encounter Paul Serone, a hunter who’s stuck with his ruined boat. He says he catches snakes for a living now but doesn’t like the word “poaching.” Elsewhere, we see a giant snake kill and eat a large panther.
Paul leads them right to the area where the lost tribe is said to live, and they see a big snake totem. He tells about a legend, but Steven knows he’s wrong and may be lying about everything. Paul doesn’t appreciate being doubted.
Denise and Gary sneak off into the woods to make out that night. A wild boar chases them, but Paul shoots it.
A rope gets caught in the propeller, so Steven goes down with his diving equipment to cut it loose. He chokes on a deadly, poisonous wasp that’s hiding in his mouthpiece. Paul cuts his throat open to do a tracheotomy. Mateo reports that the boat’s radio doesn’t work. Paul shows them a shortcut that will cut down their time to a hospital. Danny doesn’t trust Paul, but Terri says they don’t have any choice.
There’s a wall blocking the river, so Paul opens a big bag of dynamite. “That wall must be there for a reason,” Denise argues. If they want to get to the hospital, they have to blow it up. Paul and Gary set the dynamite, and the bridge blows to bits, covering the entire boat in snakes. One of them tries to eat Warren’s finger. They also lost most of their fuel barrels in the explosion.
They soon come upon the poacher’s boat, the one who died at the film’s beginning. We see that Paul knew the dead poacher. They grab a few things and leave, but Mateo gets eaten by a huge snake on the way back to the main boat. Paul says it was probably an anaconda, and then he describes what that’s like. He says he’d love to capture it alive; “It’d be worth a lotta money.”
By morning, Paul has convinced Gary to help him catch the snake. Gary tells everyone else that it’s the best way to proceed since the whole “tribal documentary” has been ruined. Not long after, Paul hooks a gargantuan snake on his line. It breaks the line, but Paul shoots it with a tranquilizer. Gary and Denise wind up knocked into the water, and the snake crushes Gary. Terri picks up a rifle, and Paul yells, “It’s no good to me dead!” as he hits the gun and ruins her aim.
Paul orders Warren to do things and then slaps him around when he refuses. We cut to the snake, which has a humanoid bulge protruding from its belly. Terri later tries to seduce Paul as a distraction, but he’s got a one-track mind, and it’s not her. It doesn’t matter because Danny and Warren whack Paul over the head and tie him up. Paul later admits that the whole thing has been set up, even the wasp.
The boat hits a sandbar, so Danny suggests they can winch their way off. This involves everyone getting into the water and tying off ropes. Meanwhile, Denise pulls a knife on Paul. He manages to choke her to death using only his legs. He kicks her overboard and then uses her knife to cut himself loose.
The snake attacks and Warren climbs up a waterfall. Paul stabs Danny in the leg. The snake gets Warren while everyone’s busy fighting. It also knocks a big tree down onto the boat in the process, so they aren’t going anywhere soon. The snake grabs Danny but starts chewing on Denise and lets him go.
Paul gets the drop on Danny and Terri, but Steven wakes up and tranquilizes Paul. Somehow, they get the boat moving again, and they come to an old mine. They need fuel, so they stop to check it out.
Paul returns and ties up Terri and Danny. Then he douses them in monkey blood. Soon enough, the giant snake comes in after them. The snake ends up getting Paul instead. It crushes his bones and eats him head-first, still mostly alive.
The snake then chases Terri and pukes up Paul, who winks at her.
Danny pins the snake to the dock with a pickaxe and then pours fuel all over the snake. The fuel explodes, and it looks like the snake is toast. It’s badly burnt but alive when it hits the water. Of course, it jumps back up, and Danny kills it with an ax.
Danny, Terri, and recovering Steven refuel the boat and head back to civilization. On the way, Steven gets a look at the lost tribesmen, so the trip isn’t a complete waste of time for them.
Commentary
Jon Voight has an accent like “Scarface,” but he says he’s from Paraguay, not Cuba. You can tell by how he holds his mouth that he’s Evil with a capital E. His overacting is probably the worst part of the film. That wink after the snake regurgitates him makes it all worth it.
Jonathan Hyde, as Warren, is channeling Tim Curry here, and Curry was, in fact, approached for the role.
They’re always walking through chest-high water in the Amazon, and we all know nothing nice lives there. Even without a 90-foot snake, the small ones are bad enough.
The ending is a contrived set piece, but overall, it’s a pretty fun movie.