- Directed by Joshua Nelson
- Written by Joshua Nelson
- Stars Jeff Clark Jr., Julia Wyrzuc, Noelle Cappuzzo
- Run Time: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes
- Trailer: <None Yet>
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This has a little bit of a slow start, but it’s fine once it gets going. It’s a very low budget, but the stories are creative, and the acting is decent. We liked it quite a bit.
Spoilery Synopsis
Three women talk about how bad dating is. They hate everything about dating. They’ve each heard some crazy dating stories. They look around at other couples and mock them one by one… Yes, this is an anthology of three short tales.
Michael the Magician is on a first date with a girl at the place where he performs. Another couple talk about the guy being a competitive eater. A third couple talks about her six-year-old– who is really a dog. She wants to go home, have sex, and then he can sleep on the couch because only the dog sleeps with her.
The competitive eater gets interrupted by his manager, and the manager doesn’t like the new girlfriend. The dog lady phones home to talk to the dog, ignoring her date.
Magic
Michael the Magnificent comes onto the stage and asks for a volunteer; he calls his date, Tara, up to assist. He puts her in a box and then stabs swords through the box. He actually cuts off her head; show’s over.
Time passes, and Michael goes on another date. Tara’s ghost appears to the new girl, Beth. Tara warns the new girl to “run.” He comes out and says he’s had lots of psycho girlfriends and one of them must have come in to talk to the new girl. Tara appears again later in the car; he’s killed many girls in his act. Sure enough, he does invite her to help him in his show.
She tells Michael about the ghost, and he works hard to gaslight her. She talks to a psychic barista, and he says it’s fine, and Michael is good for her. Tara convinces her that Michael is bad, and Tara and the other ghosts force Michael into the box. They stab and dismember him in the box.
Eater
The competitive eater inhales some ramen, but he’s not fast enough. He takes it all very seriously. He’s obsessed with winning, but she doesn’t quite get his fascination. Her friend, Phoenix, says he’s a bum with no financial future. “There’s something off about him.” They also talk Arnold to the psychic barista, who advises her to stick with the eater.
Lee, the eater, is a master at stick fighting, and that woman shows up; she’s not his manager after all, there’s something more going on with her. “Time is running out; are you doing this with me or not?” Emily’s friend Phoenix sees the “exotic” Valentina with him and jumps to a wrong conclusion. He says Valentina is his “Agent.”
Lee explains that Valentina wants him to get into a contest from the Dark Web that can pay a fortune if he wins. It is a competitive eating thing, but this one involves cannibalism of a freshly cut-up body. He explains this to Emily and Phoenix. When they hear that he could win $100,000, they both fall in line and give their blessing. Even Arnold approves.
It’s time for the big contest, and everyone is there for liver and kidneys. Emily and Phoenix are there cheering him on, even though they know it’s pretty weird. His opponent ate 45 eyeballs in a contest last month. The final round comes up, and it’s a tie. They’re all out of bodies, so they need a body to eat. “I’d do anything for you,” says Emily. Lee kills her so they’ll have something more to eat.
Dog
The dog-owner lady tells Rocco the dog that he has nothing to be jealous about when her boyfriend Daniel comes over. Daniel admits that he has been a fan of hers for years; she used to be a model. She complains that Rocco hasn’t been eating lately, but she doesn’t feed him dog food. She says her ex-husband was in the mob, and he got shot. He had been a hit man, and Rocco the dog got a taste for human meat. He laughs at the story until she swears it’s true.
She wants Daniel to bring her a dead body. He goes to talk to Arnold, who seems to always give the wrong advice. Daniel goes to his weird sister for help killing someone, and she’s right there, eager to help with many suggestions. She recommends an illegal or a homeless guy.
Daniel finds a homeless man digging through a dumpster. His sister gives him a gun with a silencer; she got it after she was released from the asylum. She gets annoyed at Daniel’s whining and shoots the man herself.
Daniel puts on a cleansuit and cuts up the body. He then grinds it into hamburger and prepares it as dog food for Rocco. Rocco then gobbles it right up, which pleases his owner. She kisses Daniel, who was expecting more. She also is expecting more, more bodies on a regular basis, which Daniel’s sister is more than happy to supply.
They eventually kill Arnold, who got Daniel into this mess in the first place. “He gave shitty advice,” says the sister. A cop pulls them over for passing a stop sign. The cop doesn’t live long.
Daniel breaks it off with the crazy dog lady. His face is all over the news for killing the cop. She asks him to prove his love for her, since Rocco is really, really hungry. He cuts his own throat for her.
We cut back to the three women talking about dates. “Dating is just one horror story after another…”
Brian’s Commentary
If you want good advice, stay away from mystic baristas like Arnold. If they were so wise, they wouldn’t be a barista.
The competitive cannibalism story was hilarious and well done. The dog story was good as well. The magician story was predictable and not so interesting, and it’s unfortunate that it was the first of the stories; we almost dropped out as that one progressed. We stuck with it, and it picked up quite a bit with the next two segments.
It’s clearly shot, the dialogue is good, and the stories are paced well. At times, the music is a bit overbearing, but only in a few scenes.
It’s pretty good once it gets going.
Kevin’s Commentary
The second two stories were definitely better than the first, and I’m glad that we stuck through it. I thought it was a decent anthology overall, with enough to make it worth the watch.