1982 Parasite

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This makes the bold claim of being the first futuristic monster movie in 3-D. Technically, perhaps it is. There is an ambitious story at the heart of it, but the execution doesn’t quite come together. It falls flat in the technical and acting aspects. It was some of Demi Moore’s earliest work, and she’s on record saying it was the worst movie she’s ever been in. It wasn’t truly awful, but it was pretty low.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man loosely strapped to a table. A man with an “X” tattooed on his hand tightens the straps. There’s a scientist there, Dr. Paul Dean, and he’s working on something in his lab. There’s an accident, and the worm he’s been experimenting on crawls inside him.  Something bursts out of the man on the table’s chest, ala “Alien” only cheaper looking. No, that was Paul’s nightmare– it was him on the table. 

We see that it’s the far future of 1992, and the world has seen some changes, not for the better. Paul goes to a small, nearly deserted town and walks around with a laser pistol. He hears a scream and goes inside to find two men raping a woman. We see that for a scientist, Paul has the strength of a superhero as he takes out the two men. Afterward, the crazy woman attacks him too. OK, it’s a bit more post-apocalyptic than it seemed at first. 

Paul meets Buddy, an old man who’s tired of the crazies. He goes to Buddy’s for coffee, which is in short supply, but has a seizure due to the parasite inside him. On the way out, the crazy topless woman smashes his apparently-plastic laser pistol. He’s attacked by one of the men from before, but Paul stabs him in a really obvious 3D shot. 

Paul stops for gas. The fillup is $105, and they only take silver. He heads on into the tiny town of Joshua, population 60-ish. He finds a sign that says room for rent, and an older woman comes to the door. She doesn’t want his cash either, but she’ll take his gold ring. He gets a room and sets up all his “science stuff.”

Paul opens his shirt, and we see that his stomach is all grey and bumpy now. Paul goes next door to a restaurant that sells canned soup; the owner, Collins, doesn’t like the local kids. The local kids are all “punks” in every sense of the word, and they steal Paul’s soup. Patricia walks in, and they all turn their attention on her– she grows lemons for Collins. Ricus, the leader punk, used to work for the company, and he’s got the “X” tattoo to prove it. Pat and Collins eventually run off the gang.

Meanwhile, Miss Daley, Paul’s new landlord, goes through all his books and equipment. Outside, a menacing-looking black sports car zooms into the gas station, and the man inside gets out. He’s Wolf, a “Merchant,” and he’s probably the movie’s villain. 

The gang sneaks up on Paul and goes through his van and motel room. They steal his metal Thermos that has something important inside. All six of the gang and Paul load into a car and drive out to the gang’s lair. One of the guys opens the Thermos and reaches inside, and he gets a 3D worm attack right in the face. They beat Paul senseless and dump him. 

He wakes up at Pat’s place, she’s rescued him somehow. She’s made him rattlesnake tea– just kidding, she says, it’s made from lemons. Wolf arrives in town, and he’s clearly looking for Paul. He runs into Buddy, who denies having seen Paul. Wolf knows he’s lying and shoots his hand off. He has better luck talking to Collins. 

Back at the gang hideout, Zeke cries about the thing inside him eating its way out. He’s clearly dying, and Ricus has no idea what to do. 

Paul has moved to Pat’s place, with all his equipment. Paul tells her that he created the parasite for the government, but it was really The Merchants who were behind the project. Paul’s prognosis is not good. He needs the parasite that’s on Zeke in order to find a cure. If the parasite reproduces, it’s basically the end of the world. 

The gang ambushes Wolf, and that goes badly for one of the gang. They slow him down enough that Paul gets away. 

In the morning, the parasite has drained Zeke and gone off on its own somewhere. Oh, it’s on Dana, another of the gang. They all run to Collins’s place for help. Everyone heads to Miss Daley’s place, where they all work on saving Dana. Collins sends Ricus to Pat’s place to find Paul. 

Wolf gets to Pat and beats the truth out of her. He’s attacked by Ricus, and the two fight. Paul returns from somewhere and tells Pat that he can kill the parasites with high-frequency sound. 

Dana dies, and the parasite moves on… to Miss Daley. It climbs up on her ceiling and 3D drops goo on her until it jumps down and gets her. Eventually, it bursts out of her head. 

Paul and Pat track the parasite and wrap it in a blanket. They get a sample, but the worm escapes. Paul turns on the audio equipment, and his parasite rips its way out of him– and bites Pat before it dies and melts away. Paul is cured!

In the basement, Wolf shoots Ricus and knocks out Collins. He then attacks Paul, and they wrestle around right in front of the second parasite, which jumps on Wolf. Wolf falls out a window, and Pat shoots the fuel tank to blow up Wolf and the monster. They burn to death painfully. 

Paul, Pat, and Collins look at Wolf’s burning corpse. “It’s over,” Pat states. 

Brian’s Commentary

I saw this in the theaters when it came out; it was the first 3D movie I had seen with the grey glasses rather than the old red-and-blue ones. It didn’t really make the movie any better. They just didn’t have the budget for a post-apocalyptic world, all we got was cars in a desert town. 

The acting isn’t good. The effects aren’t good. The pacing and cinematography are pretty awful. It’s Demi Moore’s first big role, but she’s said on the record this was the worst movie she’s ever done. 

It’s not the worst of all horror movies, not by a longshot, but it’s also a very far cry from being good. Maybe a 3/10 if I’m feeling generous. 

Kevin’s Commentary

This kept seeming like it should have been better than it was. The basic premise is interesting. It’s got some ideas. But the execution of it just doesn’t really come together. I don’t regret seeing it, but once was more than enough.

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